Hi,
My name is Tabitha and I'm coming out of lurkdom to say how much I really
enjoy reading these lists but now I need some help. I know some of you who
are on some of these lists have children who are autistic who are on these
diets for GFCF and food allergies and such. My children, thankfully, are not
like that, but they do have lots of food allergies and must be GFCF because
of that so that's why I joined this list. Commonly around our house we call
foods we are not to eat "avoids." My kids can probably tolerate 5% avoids in
any given day but not a lot or they will get sick--constipation--gas, stomach
aches, colds, just miserable reactions. I really admire what you parents are
doing who must be stricter than I for I know it isn't easy.
I don't really know whether I need help or just an ear to listen or maybe
both but here goes. Holidays are so hard when staying even half compliant to
this diet, never mind the rest of the time and yet I know if I am not I will
be VEEEEEERY SICK later. Trust me I've tried the
"I'm-not-eating-for-my-blood-type-today-because-it's-a-holiday" approach and
always have I been VERY SICK later. Always. One time I was sick for two
solid weeks after just one day of eating nothing but avoids.
So you have to understand before I launch into this story that because of
this former reaction I feel very strongly about staying on the diet, as much
as possible, holidays or not. Me and my kids are the only ones on it, my
parents have dabbled in it, and my dh refuses to do it. Ditto my inlaws.
Everyone else's attitude towards it (except dh's) is "you don't have to do
that today do you?" the only difference being that dh sees how sick I get.
My family thinks it's a nice addition to my healthcare and they are glad to
see me healthier but they don't see it as necessary 100% of the time.
Particularly not for my kids "just this one day it won't hurt them" and ugh
if I hear that one more time...it's like my pleas fall on deaf ears.
So every year when I was growing up we had this big family shindig at my
grandmother's house and stuff (that was before the diet) and then when she
passed on we always had turkey day and Xmas at my house, partly because I was
the only one who had room for everyone (14-15 people) and partly to keep me
from having to transport all of my cooked goods all around the planet all
day.
So this year my Dad speaks up and says (and my Dad is a very tenderhearted
guy, for he has been helping me through a lot of personal stuff recently but
he has a tendency to be sort of Ward Cleaver-ish if you KWIM--I have decided
this and this will be it sort of thing) that he and Mom want to have turkey
day AND Xmas at their house, no arguments, no exceptions. I am not to cook
food, he says, they will get one of those grocery store bought pre-prepared
dinners. When I tried to explain that we couldn't eat that, that I would get
sick, he says "Oh yes you can, just this one day...etc. etc." and it was
clear that he did not want to hear any more about it. And I tried explaining
to him that the kids will be sick if they eat the stuff that's in a
storebought dinner and he didn't believe me (because he doesn't believe in
the diet, you see) and because he's not around to see their reactions when
they eat avoids. My dh works for my Dad in the family business so the last
place he wants to go is to Mom and Dad's on a holiday because they will end
up talking shop (retail) and he doesn't want to drive around in the car all
day with food and kids because he's in retail and the day after turkey day is
a killer for him and he won't get any rest.
Which is another reason turkey day and Xmas have always been at our house.
My BIL is about to marry this woman who has been a longtime friend of the
family (20+ years) and she knows we have food allergies and though she
doesn't believe in the diet, respects our right to practice it. However, she
messaged me last night over the computer and said that that end of the family
wasn't coming (her, BIL, her son, MIL) because she wanted to do the cooking,
she always did holiday cooking, etc. And I said well we can bring our food
over to your house and she says no and she also says she doesn't have time to
learn how to cook for us and our "myriad of food allergies." And she says
when she said that that end of the family wasn't coming, it meant we weren't
invited to join them at their home either.
So dh and I were talking and I said "well if nobody is coming I am not
cooking a major hoo ha dinner for an army just for us 4 (dh, me, dd age 3, dd
age 18 mo) and he says "why are we not worth cooking for" and I said "well
you hate my cooking you won't eat it on a normal day, would you eat a holiday
meal if I cooked it?" and he says "probably not" and then I thought the two
kids don't eat enough for a postage stamp so I'm cooking a big dinner for
myself? I don't think so.
So if I'm not cooking and no one's coming over he says let's go out (his
family never made a really really really really big deal out of turkey day
like mine did and they even went out sometimes--which would have been
horrible to do in my family on turkey day) but the problem is that there's no
compliant foods in the few restaurants that are open on the holidays (limited
menu choices, not a full menu like normal) and so I'm up a creek no matter
what I do.
And these people have already spoken up that they both want to do Xmas the
same way and nobody's willing to budge an inch.
So thanks for listening and I'm open to suggestions how to deal with the
situation.
Tabitha--who is sorry if this sounds like I am whining but who is feeling
very frustrated right now.